GET BACKERS Uncyclopedia

GET BACKERS Uncyclopedia

Better known as The tale of The People Who Get Things Back is one of the most charming stories that the world has ever been blessed to receive. Written lovingly by comedian Gilbert Gottfried, it delves into such themes as S&M, Shotacon, and How to watch paint dry. Mr. Gottfried appears to be partictularly entranced by the paint, as five entire episodes of the exceedingly popular anime contain the main characters staring at freshly painted white walls in a delrium, screaming in utter ecstacy "THIS IS BETTER THAN AN ORGASM!" when they notice a particular patch of the wall has become dry.

The main character is Gingi Domino, the notorious gum-shoe and all around badass. His hobbies include kicking puppies, kicking kittens, and licking people's muffins right before they eat them. Gingi rules the roost of NewAge Tokyo with an iron fist, often taunting the rejects who live in the Home for Infinite Losers, or HFIL for short. Along with being a total bastard, Gingi can also harness of the power of electricity, which he often uses to recharge the vibrators at the old folks home (hey he can do good deeds AND be a badass) and to run the servers at XXX Porn Central, his favorite local hangout.

His faithful sidekick BonBon often shows distaste for Gingi's rude behavior, especially when he starts stripping in public down to his tight thong bikini. (He prefers that Gingi only do this for him!)

BonBon is Gingi's most loyal and faithful follower, who carries around a monogrammed hankerchief that proclaims his love for Gingi which he tends to throw on the ground whenever a puddle (or Sprinkles the Monkey Tamer) is nearby. BonBon is best known for his purple x-ray vision goggles that he has had surgically implanted into his face in order that he can see through people's clothes at will, being the closet pervert that he is. BonBon is also equipped with the super human ability to break everything that he touches, quite a spin on the Midus touch! His favorite things to break are Sprinkles the Monkey Tamer's face, and 100 dollar bills, which he also carries in abundance tucked into the hole he had installed in his left armpit for easy access. When not breaking them, he uses these hundred dollar bills to light his Cuban Cigars.  

Sprinkles the Monkey Tamer, is BonBon and Gingi's competitor in the getting it back business. Allergic to fabric, Sprinkles is usually devoid of any clothing. He uses his magnetic monkey pheromones as his main weapon and is often seen walking on his hands (yes naked) along with his harem of 50 female monkeys.

Paulie

Paulie is the proprietor of XXX Porn Central, Gingi and BonBon's main hangout where they meet with their clients. He loves porn, porn, porn, coffee, and crackers, but NEVER ask Paulie if he wants a cracker. He employs a slutty teenage waitress who goes by the name Naughty Natsumi; slip an extra dollar into her bra and you'll get a lil 'sumthin sumthin' if all that porn isn't enough for you.

Don Emishio

Self proclaimed leader of the Home for Infinite losers, Emishio speaks softly and carries a big whip. This whip was presented to him by the women of WHOAMAN at his daughter's wedding in exchange for a favor of 50 cocaine laced brownies. WITH EXTRA CHOCOLATE! Don Emishio hates Gingi with a passion and sometimes leaves the fortress to watch Gingi sleep through the rose tinted glass windows of his Hippie Wagon while calculating approximately how many beatings over the head it will take for Gingi to die.


MacDaddy X

Another resident of the Home for Infinite Losers, MacDaddy X loves to spending his days practicing how to spell words like 'Supercalifragelisticexpialladoshous.' When not praciting his m4d spelling skillz the MacDaddy uses his network of super computers to program new expanions packs for PC games like the 'l337 m4st4 V12.0' and 'n00b sp34k 4 dumm13s, 54th edition'. And as that wasn't l337 enough for j00, the MacDaddy also has his own line of jewelry that he likes to call Dolphin Ice, which he sells on the streets of HFIL from the inside of his Faux Fur Mink Coat.


One of the best arcs of the story happens to be the tragic Romeo and Juliet-esque love story of Toshiki-shiki and Blindy. These two men are constantly fighting for the love a beautiful young boy called Kazukue (rumored to have eaten the Uke Uke Devil's fruit) It is a tale of much man-crying and crawling through broken glass. Please don't attempt to watch this story arc unless equipped with a box or two of cotton balls. (Q-tips will also suffice if Cotton balls are in short supply)

Blindy and Toshiki-shiki battle for the unaware Kazukue's love in a Baseball Bat Death Match (much like the traditional fighting of their ancestors) simultaneously hitting each other in the ass during the final swing. As they fall to the pavement in dramatic slow motion, the two warring men realize that the love they feel isn't for Kazukue, but for each other! Oh wondrous joy of joys!!! Toshiki-shiki and Blindy proceed to have a 10 minute makeout session in which their is much moaning and talk of Earl Gray Tea. This episode, #336 is a fan-favorite among the series.

If all these wacky characters and paint drying action aren't enough for you the entire 50 volume boxed DVD set has been released by 4Money Entertainment and encludes extras like cut scenes of paint drying, and hilarious outtakes that have sent many a viewer into a nosebleed coma. Don't miss out on this heartwarming tale!!!